My dad passed away last Friday night at 6:30 pm. He had fought cancer for 2 years. Because of all the busyness of his passing and with my coming marriage in just 6 short days from now I have really found that my heart and my mind has wandered far from my room and from my kids. I guess that there are times when a teacher needs to just drop the dry erase marker and leave the kids behind to focus on other larger life issues. This is one of those times for me. I am still struggling a bit though. In the midst of all of this I still have not given the district benchmark exam. It is something that really does seem to matter. The scores will stay with my kids and with me for the time to come. I was thinking about sneaking back in on Monday and giving the test, but have decided to wait until after the memorial for my dad this Tuesday. It seems that there is always the tug and pull of personal and professional. For the next two days I am walking away from my job to remember my dad... decided...

Insecure teachers

Lately I have been thinking a lot about a teacher's own emotional perspective in the classroom... It just seems to me that for a long time some of what I did in the classroom was done not because it was what the kids needed, but rather because I was insecure in my own abilities. I remember being very unwilling to try a new strategy that had the possibility of flopping because then, if someone was passing by, or if my principal walked in, I might be discovered as a below standard teacher, or something of the like. Now that I have been going at this a while longer it just seems that things go better when am asking myself the question, "what do the KIDS really need right now?" as opposed to, "how can I keep myself from making a mistake and being a "lesser than" teacher?". How do you get that more educationally functional place? I have been teaching 9 years and still feel like I am dealing with that quite a bit!

"that kid better behave or I am a bad teacher!".... sound familiar? Hummmmm